good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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