Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
