Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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