Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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