im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
