I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
