i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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