Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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