I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
