I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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