There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
