i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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