I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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