he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
