There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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