omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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