He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
