apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
