the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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