Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
