yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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