I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
