Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
