He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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