im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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