pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
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If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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