I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My life is pants optional.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
