There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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