You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
