cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
