I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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