they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
