do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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