I think my fart just growled at me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When are your genitals available?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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