I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
