i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
