It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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