she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
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It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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