they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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