There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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