I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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