I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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