you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
