careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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