Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
