Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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