we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
