Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
