If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
