I must be too annoying 4 u.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
