i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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