people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How's work?
Spinning.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
