I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
