please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
