I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
