someone threw a dead crab at me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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