I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
