You just made me feel so damn special
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
