Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
