we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
