I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
