Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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