i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
