you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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