I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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