yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
