Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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