At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
