They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
