"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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