Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
