dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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