Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
