Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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