My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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