We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
