Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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