We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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