the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
