i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
