yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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