She announced her abortion via fbk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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