You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
